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How often have you left a discussion frustrated or confused at what others have said or how they have acted? Or maybe you have failed to get your message across to others, and you are flabbergasted they “just don’t get it” or maybe they “just don’t understand me”.

There was no “meeting of the minds”.

Conversely, you might have experienced great discussions and meetings where you were all “on the same page” or “talking the same language”.

All these familiar sayings are shorthand for explaining the phenomenon when we connect or can’t connect our thinking with another person. Our thinking preferences determine our “go-to” patterns for perceiving the world.

“Nothing is as it seems, but something is everything it is made out to be.”
Carroll Bryant

Our language and actions communicate our thinking. We believe we understand what others are thinking through our perception of and processing of our senses of hearing, sight, smell, and touch. The Herrmann Whole Brain Thinking® Model is a way to visualise and understand the way we think.

Herrmann Whole Brain® Model “Four Different Selves”

When we transmit information to someone in a format they are not ready or willing to receive, it will likely be filtered out, blocked or misinterpreted. When we transmit information to someone in a format that they are open to receive, it is more likely they will understand what it is we are trying to convey.

In a recent coaching session, we were talking about connecting and networking and seeking potential mentors. I asked the client to tell me how a certain executive spoke, acted and about their environment (how they dressed, their accessories, set up their desk, decorated their office etc). It turned out they were very expressive, supportive and physically expressed themselves through touch. He came to the conclusion that the executive probably tended to Quadrant C in the Whole Brain Model, the red “feeling” quadrant. Whereas, he was more likely to view the world and express himself through the Blue A “rational” and Green B “safekeeping/organised” quadrants. Through a series of questions on how he should communicate with this exec it quickly became obvious that approaching them with talk of facts, figures or process or plans would not really engage their attention. My client needed to adopt a communication strategy that would work at the Executives level, a more personal, relationship-oriented emotional connection. This was more likely to build rapport and strengthen their connection and mutual understanding.

Although the setup is stereotyping male & female communication styles, one of my favourite videos I use to explain miscommunication is “It’s Not About The Nail” by Jason Headley. The thumbnail and title give away the punchline, but it’s still a good laugh and insightful on how we need to modify our communication style occasionally to be heard.

It’s Not About the Nail!

“Words are the clothes thoughts wear.”
Samuel Beckett

People with diametrically opposed thinking preferences, like blue vs red or yellow vs green quadrants, can complement each others thinking. However, it is more difficult to communicate and misunderstandings and frustrations can arise.

Consider these examples. A tribe of yellow “ideas people” hijacking an orderly green person’s meeting agenda to develop an execution plan, by brainstorming new product ideas and not setting any concrete actions. Or a numbers-oriented blue quadrant CFO being frustrated by a red quadrant CMO taking the first 10 minutes of a budgeting meeting talking about their kids’ touching ballet performance on the weekend.

We all have access to all four Thinking quadrants to varying degrees. In any one meeting, you might have to cater to all four thinking styles.

Some tips for effective communication:

Being aware of each quadrant’s listening requirements, observe reactions, listen carefully and determine preferences
Become skilled in delivering your message in different ways
Cater to a diverse set of thinkers by reframing your message
Prepare or focus your audience if you will be using only one mode, eg “Today we will just be brainstorming, no planning or judgment” or “Today we will just be just reviewing progress on existing tasks, we can discuss new ideas tomorrow”

Example Team Whole Brain® Thinking Preference Map

It pays for your team and colleagues to understand each you and each others thinking preferences. A Whole Brain group/team preference map can reveal those “ah-ha!” insights as to how individuals and a team as a whole may prefer to interact.

Darren Sandford is Managing Director of Darren Sandford Consulting and Coaching. Darren is a qualified coach and certified Herrmann Whole Brain Thinking® Practitioner. With extensive experience in management, IT, banking, finance, creative photography and filmmaking, he is a qualified trainer and assessor, facilitator, trainer and a business and personal coach. He works with organisations and individuals to enable them to unlock their potential and achieve results they hadn’t thought possible.

In my conversations with employees, leaders, and managers about learning and growth, I hear a common theme. Time.

The tools, content, and platforms are there, some even have budget for learning and growth activities, but the common issue is “there is not enough time”. An analogy I like to use is that they are “too busy chopping down trees to take time to sharpen the axe”. Over time, their effectiveness is going to be blunted and sharper colleagues and business competitors who invest in learning and personal growth, are going to outperform and outmaneuver them.

Another common issue is that employees, even managers, don’t want their bosses, colleagues or reports to observe them learning, particularly watching videos. This is unfortunate, as much of the learning content being developed currently is delivered in video format. In these organisations there a cultural issue, seeing learning as a “waste of time”

Three (x 2) simple ideas to increase your growth and learning opportunities.

1. Reflect and “Retrospect”

The Retrospective is a technique in Agile software development methodologies to reflect and learn the lessons from the last iteration of product development.

What if we as individuals were to take a structured approach to reflect on our last iteration of development, say, the working week?

Many businesses have an annual employee performance review cycle, with the primary goal to determine remuneration outcomes. Although best practices will incorporate some useful feedback for the employee, an annual feedback cycle is too long to incorporate regular course corrections to improve learning and performance. An often, the manager some form of the question “…and how do you think you performed this last [year, half, quarter]?”. Usually, the manager has already invested time gathering information and evidence to support their conclusion and will be listening out for any contradictory opinion from the employee and be mentally preparing to counter any conflicting views. It is not really structured as a constructive dialog.

Imagine if we were to turn this around and encourage each individual to reflect on what they learned each week.

The Agile Retrospective usually follows a simple three-question format for each of the team members: What went well?; What went wrong?; What could be improved?

Reframing those questions in an individual growth and learning context could look like:

What went well? -> Why? What knowledge, skill or action did you take to ensure success?
What went wrong? -> Why? What was the missing knowledge, skill and/or action that could have avoided the error?
What could be learned? -> What are the areas of knowledge and skill that could be improved, and what would you do differently next week?

Here’s an example, it’s my conscious self-reflection on my last week:

What went well? -> Several successful networking meetings. -> Why: because I made a list of who to speak to, and thought about their interests and what I could learn from them before the meeting.
What went wrong? -> No response to a client proposal. -> Why: I may have missed the mark with the proposal? Maybe they were too busy? I’m inexperienced in proposal writing? I only had one proposal active, so my chances of success in any one week are limited? I was reluctant to follow up?
What could be learned?-> Need more practice pitching and writing proposals. Need to generate more opportunities to succeed, which leads to more practice. Need to overcome fear of rejection and more open to feedback…bite the bullet and ask for feedback. Need to learn more effective marketing techniques. Actions: More networking. Send the follow-up email asking for feedback. Search out virtual mentors in marketing online (YouTube, LinkedIn Learning, Podcasts) or IRL (Business Networks, paid coaching).

1a. For current and future leaders – “Reflection Sessions”

Structure your “one-on-one” meeting with staff or peers around retrospective reflection. Not only focus on milestones achieved or not; features delivered or not; issues discovered or resolved. Devote five + minutes a week to asking each individual team member the three questions above, ie. about what could be learned from their experience.

2. Get coaching or mentoring

Good coaching and mentoring are about empowering you to unlock your potential and develop new perspectives, along with bolstering your motivation.

Training events, courses, certificates, online training etc. has its place, but getting direct assistance will multiply your results.

If you are needing specific skills or knowledge and more direct guidance, a knowledgeable mentor is the way to go. Their advice can be invaluable given their experience with the challenges or opportunities you may be facing. Mentored employees are promoted 5 times more often to get promoted than those without. (Source: Everwise)

The role of a coach is less widely understood but has the potential to ignite deep and lasting impact and insights. A good coach asks powerful questions that prompt you to draw on your own knowledge and resources and lead you to discover meaningful insights and self-revelations.

2a. For current and future leaders – Become a coach or mentor

There is nothing like having to explain something to test your own understanding of a subject. By becoming a mentor, “formally” or informally, will prompt you to maintain your technical knowledge, keep abreast of industry news or think on or research new areas that your “mentee” challenges you with. According to Everwise mentors are an incredible six times more likely to be promoted and over 80% of mentors say they have developed their own skills by mentoring others.

Learning to become a coach, and holding back from giving advice, while still using your experience and relevant knowledge to craft powerful questions which help your “coachee” think, learn and grow for themselves. Putting aside your ego to be seen as knowing it all, and watching your mentee grow through your considered and insightful questions will be far more satisfying. According to Forbes: “Coaching focuses on helping another person learn in ways that let him or her keep growing afterward. It is based on asking rather than telling, on provoking thought rather than giving directions and on holding a person accountable for his or her goals.”

If you don’t have the opportunity at your workplace to be a mentor, check out platforms like Everwise or begin publishing your own content on LinkedIn and/or YouTube. I haven’t seen the statistics, but I suspect that LinkedIn articles are the way to overcome your audiences’ reluctance to spend time or be seen “goofing off”…much easier for someone to justify reading an informative article vs watching a talking head on a video.

3. Join a Learning Circle or “brown bag” lunchtime peer learning session

Some teams, chapters, communities or centres of excellence conduct learning circles, or as they used to be called (in my past corporate experience) “brown bags”. These were run outside of the formal management hierarchy by a set of motivated experts willing to facilitate knowledge sharing. (Neil Detez and Phil Mecuri, big shout out to you both). See below, for tips on setting one up.

If you workplace doesn’t have this learning and knowledge sharing culture, but you are hungry for knowledge or to share your knowledge, look for local or online communities. LinkedIn Groups, MeetUp groups and Industry forums and networking events are all good places to start looking. Many of these are free.

3a. For current and future leaders – start a learning circle or “brown bag session”

Start your own workplace Learning Circle: Atlassian Playbook – Learning Circle

Start your own LinkedIn Group: Hootsuite “How To” on LinkedIn Groups

Start your own MeetUp: MeetUp

When time or peer pressure prevents learning and growth, we need to be inventive in our ways not to stifle our own growth, and be conscious in our actions to help others learn and grow.

Nailing Effective Communication!

3 (x2) Ways To Grow Your Learning